Friday, July 21, 2006

Peace, Dude

Let's all roll one, light it up, and draw in a deep cleansing breath (don't forget to exhale). There, you feel better now. Unburdened with rationality. Able to glimpse beyond the doors of perception. If George Bush smoked herb, the world wouldn't be in the mess it's in, I'll tell you that, bra

Ah yes, it's time for a little trip down memory lane and back into the minds of our modern peace dudes, the anti-War death hippies:

Let me polish up my old peace symbol, slip into a tie-dye t shirt, and fire up the roach clip. Gather my children and I will divulge to you the secrets of Peace.

As we San Francisco Hippies figured out long ago, the way to peace is through weakness. If another country or culture wants to kill us, it's only because we offended them or because they find us threatening. To defuse their anger, let us apologize and accept guilt for every bad thing that has happened to anyone anywhere since the beginning of time. Just ask our leader Noam Chomsky. The death of the dinosaurs (early global warming), the Bubonic Plague (no free health clinics or medical marijuana); you name it, we did it. Or at least we would have done it had we the chance, as a matter of white skin privilige and cultural arrogance.

After we've apologized, we need to disband our military and renounce war as a matter of policy. In this way we will no longer be seen as threatening, e.g. by disarming, by refusing to go to war when the offended downtrodden destroy the Twin Towers or kidnap Israeli soldiers. Once they see we are very kind and forgiving and that we bear them no malice, they will become docile as lambs. We will then all gather at the crash pad where we will lounge on bean bags while passing around the water pipe and singing "Blowin' In the Wind."

Yes brothers and sisters, if we just got rid of our military there would be no more wars. It's perfectly logical. When did you ever see a war that didn't involve the military? Aha! I rest my case.

Following this scintillating logic, we could also eradicate crime by getting rid of the police force. Where there's crime there are police forces, so it is obvious that the former is a product of the latter. No more need to lock your doors at night! Who are burglars, but lonely people looking for acceptance? When they see locks on doors, they see it as a clear message: "You're not welcome. We don't like you." But when the doors are opened, they will be overcome by our love and trust, and so blinded by their tears of humility and gratitude that they will be unable to steal anything.

Rape can be stopped in its tracks once the rapists realize that women are defenseless, will not report them and will not resist. Beautiful women in bikinis can wander through Central Park in the middle of the night, perfectly safe. Once the thugs, punks and hoodlums realize that women mean them no harm, perfect peace will descend on the neighborhoods like a shower of pink lilac blossoms sprinkled by gossamer-winged, harp-playing cherubim singing in harmony like the chorus of an Italian opera. Trust me on this, dudes and dudettes, I saw it all in a vision the last time I dropped acid.

Stogie is the man. Go read the whole thing.