Saturday, August 04, 2007

Change


I am changing the subject of CUANAS.

I am no longer, or rarely, going to write about war and anti-Semitism.

Instead, I am going to write about my personal experiences in life.

The reason I have made this decision is because I have found that I have very little support from the people who are most important to me.

This does not mean that I believe my cause is unworthy.

Instead, I believe my friends are not ready to understand where I am coming from.

The ultimate desolation for me came from one of my best friends in the world. I will leave HER nameless, but she is among the several indivduals with whom I started this organization.

She said to me that she thought I was doing what I am doing out of ego.

That is completely fucking ridiculous.

I am sorry be angry.

But, I have spent four years of my life - a life which was previously spent thinking about poetry and music and art - thinking about hatred.

I hate what I do!

I can't tell you how much I hate it.

I want to stop.

However, someone needs to do this work.

I am not, biologically, cut out for this work, and if I don't stop, I feel like I will have some severe trouble.

I have responsibilities.

Anyone in this world who has responsibility will understand what I mean.

I have decided that I will start writing about the history of my emotional life. I am a human being who occupies a very interesting niche that lies in between the WWII Generation and the Hippie Generation.

Not to mention, I remember very, very far back into my life.

I remember things, very clearly, from when I was three years old.

I have realized that our country went wrong between the years of 1962-1977.

These are the formative years of my life.

I am going to start writing about that exclusively.

In other words, this blog is going to become something more similar to Dr. Sanity. I am going to write about the psychological development, and rationality, of Western Civilization.

This will be an experiment. We'll see how it works.